Pastor’s wives are continually
open to public evaluation, when she carries out nine good assignments and one
bad one, people will remember only the assignment that was badly
performed. Walk past a Church member
without acknowledging him and you might cause continuing resentment. We are priviledged to be in a position where
we can do God’s work in earnest. Our
position is vintage to the point that our failure to be effective in the gospel
ministry will be too glaring. Anyone who
is married to someone in gospel ministry should know and accept the fact that
these are basic qualities that goes with it.
Only a few Scripture passages
address the role of the wife of pastors but the few are powerful. I Timothy 3:11 says, “wives are to be women of respect, not
malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” While there is some controversy over
interpretation of the original language regarding whether this passage is
referring to deaconesses as officer in the church or to the wives of deacons,
it appears to be applicable to women who have high visibility and influence in
the church because of their “acts of kindness and of help and of charity which
only a woman could properly do for another woman.” Wives of any kind of ministers are been
observed and therefore should be role models for others.
Frances Nordland provides a
practical solution for what ministers’ wives should be like. We need to recognize that in the early church
period the leaders of the church were men whom we would now designated as
laymen. There was no separation, as now,
between clergy and laity, making a separate class of people in the church known
professionally as “ministers.” So, if
you want to learn from the Bible what a minister’s wife should be like, you
must look for references to wives.
A pastor’s wife must give serious
consideration to the position she is occupying as the “wife of “a man who has
set his desires on a “noble task.” The position carries with it the
responsibility to manage his family in a way that will cause him to be worthy
of respect. Our love for our husband and
commitment to help him fulfill his own dreams is cause enough to spur us to
seek a heart of contentment and peace within our circumstances.
Note that Paul admonishes both
the Pastors and their wives to be worthy of respect (I Tim 3:2, 8, 11). “it is a positive term that denotes a
seriousness of mind and character Paul also warns against talking
maliciously. If hurtful, loose talk is
an area of weakness in your life, you will suffer from a reputation that will
shadow you everywhere you go and you likely will contribute to the ruin of your
husband’s ministry. To remove yourself
from this habitual dull pattern of behaviour you can do what the Psalmist
did. He placed his sinful problems under
God’s control and prayed, “keep your servant also from willful sins, may they
not rule over me. Then will I be
blameless, innocent of great transgression” (Ps 19:13).
Paul also admonished Pastors’
wives to be temperate, not extreme or excessive. The word temperate is more than outward
appearance; it includes gracious Spirit not given to extremes or overreaction. Finally, Paul calls wives of overseers to be
trustworthy in everything. You may not
be able to do everything, but be dependable for whatever you pledge your
word. The virtuous woman of proverbs 31
is a good example of trustworthiness.
We read that she never gives her husband cause to doubt the strength of
her character or her commitment to him.
Matthew, Mark and Luke recorded these words of Jesus.
“If anyone wants to be a follower
of mine, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me, for anyone
who keeps his life for himself shall lose it, and anyone who loses his life for
me shall find it again” (Matt 16:24,
Mark 8:34 and Luke 9:23).
However, I appreciate the lessons
I have learnt from real life most especially from 13th of July 1991,
my wedding day, till today as a Pastor’s wife.
The lesson learnt from seminars, lectures, conferences and conventions
attended, also the lessons gathered from Christian literatures. From this wealth of experiences gathered with
the inspiration from God I am placing these candid comments as role of
effective Pastor’s wife in the gospel ministry.
1)
Be a spirit controlled Christian. Jn. 3:3,7
2)
Regular and constant personal devotion.
3)
Have a sense of call and honour your call as minister’s
wife. Act 18:26
4)
Have a shared vision with your husband, key in your
vision in your husband’s ministry.
5)
Be an active and a responsible wife to your husband.
6)
Be submissive and don’t be dictatorial. Be morally sound. Col. 3:5-9
7)
Show an obvious affection and interest in all members
of the Church.
8)
Live peacefully with all men, women and children
inclusive. Heb 12:14
9)
Cheerfully live within the family income.
10) Keep
strict confidence. Don’t betray them.
11) Have
a sense of humour but don’t become Church entertainer.
12) Let
your husband give time to the Lord’s work without resentment or complaint.
13) Have
a pleasing and pleasant personality.
14) Keep
a neat home, dress neatly and properly. Prioritize your programme well.
15) Don’t
cause strife among church members.
16) Don’t
argue or talk back to people.
17) Avoid
too much familiarity with church members i.e. having “special friends”.
18) Master
your Bible.
19) Harmonize
your professional job with church and ministerial responsibilities.
20) Display
joy at all times and don’t be depressed.
21) Be
up-to-date on current events, be ready to learn and be broad minded with
adequate training. Act 18:26
22) Be
approachable and kind-hearted.
23) Be
ready to persevere and endure to the end of the race. 1 Tim. 4:16
24) Study
and know your spouse deeply.
25) Have
frank communication with your spouse and maintain healthy marriage.
26) Discipline
your children frankly, promptly and wisely.
27) Don’t
be carried away by gifts.
28) Act
as Women’s Missionary Union (WMU) director of the church and have positive
influence on men.
29) Identify
the area of your ministry in the church, which can be either, counseling,
music, children, youth, prayer, and witnessing and fit into it.
30) Be
active in Ministers’ wives fellowship.
Conclusively, Pastors wives
should major in their husbands’ weaknesses, so as to make their husbands
effective in the ministry. May the Lord
help us to fulfill the call of God faithfully by His grace. Amen.
REFERENCES
Erwin Lutzer, Pastor to Pastor, 1998 Christ and
we Publications, Nigeria.
Ishola Elizabeth Igbayilola, “Practical Answers to questions Ministers’
wives ask” 2008, Baptist
Lorna Dobson, I’m more than the Pastor’s wife.
1995 Zondervan. Publishing House, Michigan.
Olusheye E.H.L. (Dr.) Pastor, Minister’s wife Curse or Blessing?”
Sico Publishers, Ibadan.
Pam karrel, “Woman of Influence”, 1996 Gospel Vision publications, Nigeria.
press (Nig) Ltd
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